Mark is the high school friend of Andrew's and is most likely his best friend. He works as a grave digger by day, but has ambitions to become a real estate agent. He just hasn't gotten around to getting a license yet. He spends most of his time hanging out with the local burnouts at random parties, collecting desert storm trading cards, and stealing from the very graves that he digs.

Mark: I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.

Mark: We'll probably head over there right after we bury your mom.

Mark: You like that, Press Junket, that's improv bitch, you can use it.

Andrew: Knock and barter for Desert Storm trading cards.
Mark: Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.

Mark: The only thing worse than a favor is a favor involving money.

Diego: Does it come with balloons?
Mark: What am I, a birthday clown? NO! It doesn't come with balloons. Suck it off the tap!

Andrew: Dude, we've been patient all day but it's my last day in town and you haven't told us what we're doing. I mean, if you had told me we'd be going on a six-hour scavenger hunt for blow I would've passed.
Mark: Come on, please. If I was going to get you coke we would've gone to the fucking high school football practice. We would've been rolling five hours ago.

Mark: Man... that's the most worked up I've ever seen you.
Sam: He's protecting me.
Andrew: So?
Sam: He likes me!
Andrew: Don't be cute.
Sam: He's my knight in shining armor.
Andrew: Don't talk about knights around Mark, it's a sore subject.
Mark: [seriously] I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.
Andrew: Pun intended?

Mark: How about some fucking furniture, man?
Jesse: I bought a chair once, but I didn't like it.

Andrew: Can you imagine being the guy whose job it is to argue for the right to build a mall on top of a geological phenomenon?
Mark: They love their malls here, man.

Mark: Hey, if you ever need a Kato, you know where to find me.

Mark: Yeah, nice to meet you. I'm sorry I said Vagina just now. I didn't know you were here.
Sam: Oh. That's okay.
Mark: Nice. Let's get fucked up.

Jesse: Dude, maybe you should stay over by the steps. I don't know CPR.
Mark: You look like a wet beaver.

Tim: By the way, it says 'balls' on your face.
Andrew: [to Mark] Asshole!
Mark: What? My Mom did it.

Mark: Yeah, you know what that means Tim? It means get the fuck out of my house before I chop your fucking head off.
Carol: Mark, he's a knight.
Mark: He's just a fast food knight.